ett skadligt leverne

the greek is visiting us now for a week or two. all the way from göteborg.

i’m going post some sort of review on kanye’s new piece once i get some time, but i’m loving it visually so far.

is it a pretentious piece who’s only purpose is to serve kanye’s own ego, or is there some sort of depth underneath it all?

we’ll see, enjoy the screendump until then.

i’m going post some sort of review on kanye’s new piece once i get some time, but i’m loving it visually so far.

is it a pretentious piece who’s only purpose is to serve kanye’s own ego, or is there some sort of depth underneath it all?

we’ll see, enjoy the screendump until then.

i’m sorry for the lack of updates lately, but i haven’t really felt like i’ve had anything worth saying. me and babe keep working hard, both in school and now also at the gym. sweat sweat sweat! and as always i get stares from the gorillas because i’m walking around with the prettiest girl in the gym.

zing.

also, on monday we might get a guest. all the way from sweden (and partially greece) - yes sir! mr hadzi will drag his old man’s balls across the pond and all the way over to cali. damn right!

so we better get our shit together even more, because there will be beer to drink and bad jokes to be told soon.

i´ll just post random awesomeness to keep you entertained until then.

i may be a sucker for bukowski, but whitman is right up there every now and then.

this is what you shall do:

Love the earth and sun and the animals,

despise riches, give alms to every one that asks,

stand up for the stupid and crazy,

devote your income and labor to others,

hate tyrants, argue not concerning God,

have patience and indulgence toward the people,

take off your hat to nothing known

or unknown or to any man or number of men,

go freely with powerful uneducated persons

and with the young and with the mothers of families,

read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life,

re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book,

dismiss whatever insults your own soul,

and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency

not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face

and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.

From Preface to Leaves of Grass, 1855

jag har inte så mycket att säga, förutom att hela dagen har gått till att ränna hit och dit. det är bara en så ibland.

nu vill jag sova, men det kan jag inte.

god, i’ve forgotten how nice it actually feels to wake up early. today, the alarm went off at 7:30, i slammed it dead and half-snoozed ‘til around 8. when i got up i made some tea and went through all my usual spots on the interwebz. then i took a nice shower and went out with the poop-pooch for a morning walk.

and now i have a head filled with awesome morning news and a whole day to make awesome work. i need to make this a ritual.

försöker hitta ngra på riktigt intressanta svenska bloggar … det är nästan omöjligt.

har vissa favoriter förstås, och visst, det finns en hel del bra “kreativa bloggar”, folk inom branschen som postar nya kampanjer och ger lite nytt blod i mitt tänkande (per öhlin är alltid en inspiration) men jag pratar om personliga bloggar. på det stora hela så känns den svenska blogg-världen så otroligt meningslöst. “heja abbe” var kanske den första på länge som jag faktiskt brydde mig om. där var det aldrig snack om att sälja en image, det var bara rent och personligt. silverfisken brukade vara fantastisk, men som babe påpekade ganska nyligen … han har blivit lite väl högtravande och pretentiös på sistone (vackra bilder tar han dock).

jag menar, babe följer ju 1000 bloggar. jag tror hennes genomgång av alla bloggar hon läser tar typ 4 timmar varje dag, minst, lite sporadiska pauser då och då. utöver det så håller hon koll på 1000 shoppingsidor där hon kan uppdatera sig om vad hon kan lägga nästa månads budget på. jag har försökt lära mig tycka om hennes bloggar men på det stora hela så känns det som om jag besöker dessa i brist på annat. för vad har jag gemensamt med kenza, inte fan kan jag använda dem där läckra nya marc jacobs-skorna hon lägger upp! buhuuhuhuu.

sverige har så här på rak hand inga bra kill-bloggar. på det stora hela så verkar just bra kill-bloggar vara ett mysterium i världen. schulman var lysande men numera så är det ganska tomt där. ff-bloggen saknar jag, även om det var mer en kompis-jippo och det var flera killar som skrev (om det nu spelar roll) … humorn var fin.

så jag kollar allt möjligt annat - illustrationer, foton, grafisk design, mode, komiker … you name it, i’ve been there. men att hitta en blogg som har karaktär och en faktisk personlig röst … gah!

tips?

björk har spunnit som en lite kattunge på spotify idag och just nu så kom jag bara sådär att tänka på “dancer in the dark”. såg ngn av er den filmen ngn gng? goddamn, en mer deprimerande (på ett vackert sätt) film har jag inte sett på år och dagar.

lars von trier må vara en mästare på att leka med tittarnas känslor, men den filmen bar på en brutalitet som var nästan lite väl påtaglig. och bara tanken på slutscenen får halsen att knipas till. när hon står där uppe på balkongen, och sen börjar sjunga …

they say it’s the last song

they don’t know us, you see

it’s only the last song

if we let it be

… bara en sån där tanke som slår en ibland. vacker film.

it’s been quite an easy day, not to harsh, but my fingers are tired and my eyes even more so. worked on my creative writing assignment, fleshing out my short story and gathering inspiration from books and comics.

i said it before and i’ll say it a thousand times more, i love the places this work takes me. hours of taking in, just for the sole reason of finding that certain piece that makes your brain go “ding!”.

babe’s cooking up dinner right now, can’t wait to get my grub on.

it’s funny how much stress that seems to be gone now that i don’t have my midpoint to worry about. all through the day today, i’ve been feeling like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders.

i chose to not focus on homework at all today - spent the day watching sons of anarchy (greatness!), reading sedaris and catching up on some comic-reading. all this while listening to the naked and famous spankingly good album (see below).

tomorrow however, it’s back to business. but i’m hoping to treat myself to something nice as a reward for everything. i still have the 400 dollars from the teak shoot (well, 300 since babe got a present also, for being patient and sweet) and i’m thinking of heading down to the nike store and picking up a new pair of training shoes. like proper training shoes … i have been training in awkward shoes for way too long …

vi snackar billigt från willy´s-type of shoes.

i really want to head down to the APE-expo too, and get my comicbook-nerd on for a little while and perhaps get to say hi to the awesome scott campbell amongst others.

we’ll see, for now i’m gonna get up in that comfy sofa with babe and watch “i love you phillip morris”.

2 reasons to be extra happy today - the paycheck from the shoot i did with teak back in august (which probably was my first and last foray into acting), and henry miller’s “the smile at the foot of the ladder”.

and yes, i do realize i look tired.

good night.

so i cleared my midpoint review.

i walked in and presented all my work. lost words and i confused myself several times with the words coming out of my mouth. my computer’s speakers stopped working when trying to show my short film. my voice broke up and my hands turned ice cold. it might have actually been the worst presentation i’ve ever done.

period.

i returned to the room after the jury had their moment (which is an excruciating way of making people wait) and they sat me down, looked me in the eyes and told me i had made it. breath. but they also sensed something wrong in me, wondering why i didn’t sell my ideas the way they deserved to be sold.

so i told them the truth. that i’ve for 3 semester been uncertain about my work, not because i doubted it, but because i’ve seen shitty work being called good by the same teachers that told me my work is good. and it all made me feel as if my ideas were not really good enough, just less shitty than the other ones. i guess the fact that i didn’t have all my best work in my book did its part too.

but i made it.

now, my classes with bryan birch this semester are currently the only ones that really challenge me to the core of everything i think i know. other classes are good but these … shit … i guess that’s why they take so much energy out of me, because they matter. i fail, but get up, try harder and better. that’s what he makes me want to do at least.

here’s the thing. i’m not in this game to make semi-good work. i’m not in it too make “ok” work. i want to get somewhere with this, i want to make it, and i want to be that fist that just got buried in your face and your gut without you being fast enough to notice it. i want be great, f-cking amazing.

that … that’s the goal.

i don’t want to get by on “less shitty”.

yes.

yes.

yes.

yes.